The Final Email

Well, actually, this might not be the final email. This is just probably the last email, because next week I might be too lazy to send a big email like this. Anyway, if I send another email after this it will be in the form of an epilogue, possibly told in 3rd person as a more reflective piece overlooking my mission as a whole from an outside perspective as opposed to a normal weekly email. Well, I guess you guys are used to my weirdness by now, so that wouldn't be a shock. It also wouldn't be a shock if that didn't happen at all, so I guess we'll see!

So, to start out, Monday happened! Without Elder Cannon. That was a weird feeling. He's been such a huge presence in our companionship, and then suddenly he was gone. Anyway, to fill in the big empty hole where Elder Cannon used to be we went to Alekseevka to get some stuff and talk to the rest of the district. That was fun. Elder Larsen and Elder Tate are hilarious. That night we went to visit the Branch President's family.

Tuesday also happened in its usual place (that is, after Monday) and that night we went to a new English Club. This club was something that Sister Hendricks used to do, but seeing as she's gone (shoutout to Caroline, if you happen to read this) we've had to take over that. They were sad to find out that I too am shortly going to leave. But, you know, c'est la vie! or whatever. They'll get over it, Elder Mayberry will be here for a while, and they won't have any time to get too attached to me.

Wednesday we had district meeting, at which point we rather awkwardly discovered that Elder Larsen and Elder Tate are not in fact in our district. We just sort of stole the sisters out of their district. Pretty brutal. Anyway, did I mention that Elder Tate is from San Antonio? Shoutout to San Antonio! I have a feeling that if we were in the same district it would probably be unbearable for the masses. I mean, Elder Downing and Elder Fuller are both from Austin, they were companions, and I can only imagine the shenanigans they got into together. Can you imagine? 

(Random Ukrainian) "Where are you guys from?"

(Simultaneous response) "Austin."

(Random Ukrainian) "And where's that?"

(Slightly louder simultaneous response) "Texas!"

I got sidetracked, didn't I? I don't know how much enjoyment you guys will get out of that, but I'm laughing, so that's all that counts.

On Thurday we helped the Sisters move into the apartment here in Saltovka. After that the day kind of went to the dogs. We had a 3-and-a-half hour long meeting with our JW investigator that didn't go anywhere, and then on the way home after an English club our drunk neighbor who believes that she's our landlord stopped us and harrassed us for about 5 minutes about wanting to do an inspection and threatened to kick us out.

Friday we went to Alekseevka to deregister me from the country of Ukraine. That's right, I'm going dark. I'm taking my work back underground. There's a ticking time bomb that started here because we finished the process and we had to wait for them to finish something or other and then give me some document. We had a meeting that we had to go to, and we didn't have time to wait for it, but we were under the impression that we could come back another day to pick it up. This was proven to be an incorrect impression. Long story short, we found out today that because we didn't pick up that document the day of, it's possible that I won't be able to leave Ukraine. So that's fun. They're sorting stuff out right now, it'll probably blow over. You'll find out in the epilogue.

Our meeting went really well though, we met with the really nice lady from Thursday of last week. So... worth it?

On Saturday we did game night like usual.

Sunday went well. Church was good. That night we went and did family night in the park. That also went well. I've been somewhat sick since Friday, which is unfortunate because I was just starting to get back into working out in the mornings. Oh well.

And that just about brings us up to now. I'll see a decent number of you in a week or so. It's been fun writing these emails to you, letting you know about my week and my doings in the distant land of Ukraine. I've learned a lot here, and I've helped (I hope) a lot of people to. It's going to be hard to leave. Don't get me wrong, I miss you guys and everything, but it's hard to explain the love that I have for this place and these people. But I guess it's time to move on. Everything has its time and place, and almost nothing is permanent. 

Time to finish it!

Peace!

Elder Robison

Трудно прощаться, но давно пора уже

This week we said goodbye to many of my favorite missionaries. And also Elder Fuller.

Yep. 2 years. It's been almost 2 years. Have of the people that came in with me are now headed home. I still have 2 weeks; our group was too large to send off all in one go, so we've had to be divided up. Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks left last night to go to Dnepro, and from there they'll fly out back to America. We're all pretty sad, they were great missionaries.

Anyway, the week was a good one!

On Monday we went to Gorkiy Park. It's a pretty famous place, and it was a ton of fun. We met up with the guys from Novi Doma (Fuller, Anderson, Downing, etc.) and played volleyball, then rode the rollercoaster, then rode the ferris's wheel. I said goodbye to Elder Fuller and Elder Anderson there, because that's the last time I'll see either of them in Ukraine. Our friend took us afterwards to where he trains for track and field to show us around.

On Tuesday we took a trip to the hospital where our friend Stass was preparing for surgery on his cancer. We went from there to meet up with Eddy and go to the forest again. Last time he wanted to find this spot by the river that he really liked, but we couldn't get to it. Hence we went again on Tuesday to find this mysterious cool place. We found it and sat around outside talking about the church and playing guitar.

I'm going to start this paragraph by commenting on the fact that the number of times I have sat in a car speaking Russian with Ukrainians while listening to metal in a language that none of us understand is too dang high. On the ride home Eddy turned on his Rammstein, because Eddy loves rock. Elder Mayberry was like, "Who is this?", and Eddy, Elder Cannon, and I responded with a hearty, "Rammstein". After a moment of heavy guitar riffs and German I added, "It's special German music; for Germans.".

Wednesday was pretty cut and dry, nothing too interesting. You know, just our last district meeting and all. Nothing dramatic.

Thursday came and went with no fanfare and little-to-no applause. We met with a lady whose number we found. She met with the missionaries a long time ago, but when they left she got dropped. She's really nice old lady.

Friday was also uneventful, actually.

Saturday was the last game night. We ordered a pizza for lunch, put up the banner we got for English Practice, then talked to everyone that wanted to come say goodbye to Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks.

Sunday we went and had dinner with Joseph's family as a parting activity for those that are leaving us. That was after a good church meeting and lesson with Lyuba.

Elder Mayberry and I are now waiting. Sister Stepaiko was transferred to Zaparozhe, and with Sister Hendricks gone, that leaves us with no sisters and no district. But, the sisters from Alekseevka are coming to save us. They'll be living here, but serving in both areas, so that'll be fun for them. Our districts have been combined, but appearantly neither district leader has been released. So I guess that means we have 2 district leaders now? Anyway, we'll be meeting up with everyone today, so maybe that will become clearer. Or maybe it won't. I don't know. Probably won't effect me too much, seeing as time is now so short on my end. Lot's of work to do, no time left to do it!

Whelp, that's all!

Peace!

Elder Robison

Трудно прощаться, но давно пора уже

This week we said goodbye to many of my favorite missionaries. And also Elder Fuller.

Yep. 2 years. It's been almost 2 years. Have of the people that came in with me are now headed home. I still have 2 weeks; our group was too large to send off all in one go, so we've had to be divided up. Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks left last night to go to Dnepro, and from there they'll fly out back to America. We're all pretty sad, they were great missionaries.

Anyway, the week was a good one!

On Monday we went to Gorkiy Park. It's a pretty famous place, and it was a ton of fun. We met up with the guys from Novi Doma (Fuller, Anderson, Downing, etc.) and played volleyball, then rode the rollercoaster, then rode the ferris's wheel. I said goodbye to Elder Fuller and Elder Anderson there, because that's the last time I'll see either of them in Ukraine. Our friend took us afterwards to where he trains for track and field to show us around.

On Tuesday we took a trip to the hospital where our friend Stass was preparing for surgery on his cancer. We went from there to meet up with Eddy and go to the forest again. Last time he wanted to find this spot by the river that he really liked, but we couldn't get to it. Hence we went again on Tuesday to find this mysterious cool place. We found it and sat around outside talking about the church and playing guitar.

I'm going to start this paragraph by commenting on the fact that the number of times I have sat in a car speaking Russian with Ukrainians while listening to metal in a language that none of us understand is too dang high. On the ride home Eddy turned on his Rammstein, because Eddy loves rock. Elder Mayberry was like, "Who is this?", and Eddy, Elder Cannon, and I responded with a hearty, "Rammstein". After a moment of heavy guitar riffs and German I added, "It's special German music; for Germans.".

Wednesday was pretty cut and dry, nothing too interesting. You know, just our last district meeting and all. Nothing dramatic.

Thursday came and went with no fanfare and little-to-no applause. We met with a lady whose number we found. She met with the missionaries a long time ago, but when they left she got dropped. She's really nice old lady.

Friday was also uneventful, actually.

Saturday was the last game night. We ordered a pizza for lunch, put up the banner we got for English Practice, then talked to everyone that wanted to come say goodbye to Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks.

Sunday we went and had dinner with Joseph's family as a parting activity for those that are leaving us. That was after a good church meeting and lesson with Lyuba.

Elder Mayberry and I are now waiting. Sister Stepaiko was transferred to Zaparozhe, and with Sister Hendricks gone, that leaves us with no sisters and no district. But, the sisters from Alekseevka are coming to save us. They'll be living here, but serving in both areas, so that'll be fun for them. Our districts have been combined, but appearantly neither district leader has been released. So I guess that means we have 2 district leaders now? Anyway, we'll be meeting up with everyone today, so maybe that will become clearer. Or maybe it won't. I don't know. Probably won't effect me too much, seeing as time is now so short on my end. Lot's of work to do, no time left to do it!

Whelp, that's all!

Peace!

Elder Robison

Трудно прощаться, но давно пора уже

This week we said goodbye to many of my favorite missionaries. And also Elder Fuller.

Yep. 2 years. It's been almost 2 years. Have of the people that came in with me are now headed home. I still have 2 weeks; our group was too large to send off all in one go, so we've had to be divided up. Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks left last night to go to Dnepro, and from there they'll fly out back to America. We're all pretty sad, they were great missionaries.

Anyway, the week was a good one!

On Monday we went to Gorkiy Park. It's a pretty famous place, and it was a ton of fun. We met up with the guys from Novi Doma (Fuller, Anderson, Downing, etc.) and played volleyball, then rode the rollercoaster, then rode the ferris's wheel. I said goodbye to Elder Fuller and Elder Anderson there, because that's the last time I'll see either of them in Ukraine. Our friend took us afterwards to where he trains for track and field to show us around.

On Tuesday we took a trip to the hospital where our friend Stass was preparing for surgery on his cancer. We went from there to meet up with Eddy and go to the forest again. Last time he wanted to find this spot by the river that he really liked, but we couldn't get to it. Hence we went again on Tuesday to find this mysterious cool place. We found it and sat around outside talking about the church and playing guitar.

I'm going to start this paragraph by commenting on the fact that the number of times I have sat in a car speaking Russian with Ukrainians while listening to metal in a language that none of us understand is too dang high. On the ride home Eddy turned on his Rammstein, because Eddy loves rock. Elder Mayberry was like, "Who is this?", and Eddy, Elder Cannon, and I responded with a hearty, "Rammstein". After a moment of heavy guitar riffs and German I added, "It's special German music; for Germans.".

Wednesday was pretty cut and dry, nothing too interesting. You know, just our last district meeting and all. Nothing dramatic.

Thursday came and went with no fanfare and little-to-no applause. We met with a lady whose number we found. She met with the missionaries a long time ago, but when they left she got dropped. She's really nice old lady.

Friday was also uneventful, actually.

Saturday was the last game night. We ordered a pizza for lunch, put up the banner we got for English Practice, then talked to everyone that wanted to come say goodbye to Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks.

Sunday we went and had dinner with Joseph's family as a parting activity for those that are leaving us. That was after a good church meeting and lesson with Lyuba.

Elder Mayberry and I are now waiting. Sister Stepaiko was transferred to Zaparozhe, and with Sister Hendricks gone, that leaves us with no sisters and no district. But, the sisters from Alekseevka are coming to save us. They'll be living here, but serving in both areas, so that'll be fun for them. Our districts have been combined, but appearantly neither district leader has been released. So I guess that means we have 2 district leaders now? Anyway, we'll be meeting up with everyone today, so maybe that will become clearer. Or maybe it won't. I don't know. Probably won't effect me too much, seeing as time is now so short on my end. Lot's of work to do, no time left to do it!

Whelp, that's all!

Peace!

Elder Robison

Трудно прощаться, но давно пора уже

This week we said goodbye to many of my favorite missionaries. And also Elder Fuller.

Yep. 2 years. It's been almost 2 years. Have of the people that came in with me are now headed home. I still have 2 weeks; our group was too large to send off all in one go, so we've had to be divided up. Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks left last night to go to Dnepro, and from there they'll fly out back to America. We're all pretty sad, they were great missionaries.

Anyway, the week was a good one!

On Monday we went to Gorkiy Park. It's a pretty famous place, and it was a ton of fun. We met up with the guys from Novi Doma (Fuller, Anderson, Downing, etc.) and played volleyball, then rode the rollercoaster, then rode the ferris's wheel. I said goodbye to Elder Fuller and Elder Anderson there, because that's the last time I'll see either of them in Ukraine. Our friend took us afterwards to where he trains for track and field to show us around.

On Tuesday we took a trip to the hospital where our friend Stass was preparing for surgery on his cancer. We went from there to meet up with Eddy and go to the forest again. Last time he wanted to find this spot by the river that he really liked, but we couldn't get to it. Hence we went again on Tuesday to find this mysterious cool place. We found it and sat around outside talking about the church and playing guitar.

I'm going to start this paragraph by commenting on the fact that the number of times I have sat in a car speaking Russian with Ukrainians while listening to metal in a language that none of us understand is too dang high. On the ride home Eddy turned on his Rammstein, because Eddy loves rock. Elder Mayberry was like, "Who is this?", and Eddy, Elder Cannon, and I responded with a hearty, "Rammstein". After a moment of heavy guitar riffs and German I added, "It's special German music; for Germans.".

Wednesday was pretty cut and dry, nothing too interesting. You know, just our last district meeting and all. Nothing dramatic.

Thursday came and went with no fanfare and little-to-no applause. We met with a lady whose number we found. She met with the missionaries a long time ago, but when they left she got dropped. She's really nice old lady.

Friday was also uneventful, actually.

Saturday was the last game night. We ordered a pizza for lunch, put up the banner we got for English Practice, then talked to everyone that wanted to come say goodbye to Elder Cannon and Sister Hendricks.

Sunday we went and had dinner with Joseph's family as a parting activity for those that are leaving us. That was after a good church meeting and lesson with Lyuba.

Elder Mayberry and I are now waiting. Sister Stepaiko was transferred to Zaparozhe, and with Sister Hendricks gone, that leaves us with no sisters and no district. But, the sisters from Alekseevka are coming to save us. They'll be living here, but serving in both areas, so that'll be fun for them. Our districts have been combined, but appearantly neither district leader has been released. So I guess that means we have 2 district leaders now? Anyway, we'll be meeting up with everyone today, so maybe that will become clearer. Or maybe it won't. I don't know. Probably won't effect me too much, seeing as time is now so short on my end. Lot's of work to do, no time left to do it!

Whelp, that's all!

Peace!

Elder Robison

Once Upon a Time in the West

I'm honestly not sure what to write about this week. I normally type up the title first and that determines the flow of what's going to happen for the rest of the letter. Currently the title is unwritten, and I'm rambling on in an attempt to give myself enough time to remember the important things that happened this week. I'm not sure if it'll work or not.

I'll mix things up a little bit by kicking Monday out of the week instead of Friday.

Tuesday we taught Lyuba. After that we went with our friend Eddy to the forest to make shashlyk with him. Shashlyk is an Arabic (I think it's Arabic) food. It's similar to a shish kebab, but it's all meet. Ukrainians think that it counts as BBQ. They're mistaken in this belief, but it's a charming attempt. Anyway, it was fun. We got to meet his friend and eat good food, and it was overall a nice adventure.

Wednesday was district meeting and English Practice. It was funny doing English Practice. We started out talking about perserverance, but we ended up talking about how horrible K-Mart is, Little Ceasar's, and the general idea of American fast-food. Funny enough, that's not an odd shift for an English Practice. I think it's actually happened before.

On Thursday we met with our friend Olya in the park next to the apartment that we closed down at the end of last month. We couldn't find anyway to get home after that, so we ended up home pretty late.

Friday's English Practice was pretty fun. I made up a game with Elder Mayberry that is sort of like Clue. We drew a map of a manor on the board and we secretly made one person the murderer. Everyone closes their eyes, and then the murderer opens their eyes and points out their victim. Then everyone opens their eyes. Everyone has to find a partner and chose a room to go into. There can't be more than one pair in a room, so you have to pair up quick if you want to get the room of your choosing. If the murderer can pair up with his victim or get into the room next door to his victim, they're successful. Everyone else has to try and figure out who the murderer is. If everybody unanimously agrees, they can tie up one person. If you tie up the wrong person, the murderer wins.

That was fun. It was also fun playing Bang afterwards. I've mentioned Bang before, but this game was particularly fun. In Bang there are 3 bandits, 2 deputies, a renegade, and a sheriff. The only person who reveals their role is the sheriff. The bandits have to kill the sheriff, the sheriff has to kill the bandits without killing his deputies, and the deputies have to help the sheriff without killing each other in the process. I was a bandit sitting right next to the sheriff. Sister Hendricks was sitting on the other side of the sheriff, and I was pretty sure that she was a bandit. So, I killed her and pretended that I was a deputy for a while. Everyone bought it. Then, when the time was right and everyone was comfortable with the fact that I was a real deputy, I turned and shot the sheriff and enjoyed the shock on everyone's faces. It was fun.

On Saturday we had a Sport Fest for the branch and for our investigators. A lot of people came. Not as many as came for the BBQ, but still a lot of people. It was pretty successful.

Church was good on Sunday. After church we met with our friend Aleks again.

Well, that was basically my week. I think. I can never really be sure, the days are running on pretty quick now.

Anyway, peace!

Elder Robison

Ты Прибарахлился? Круто.

This week was good. Pretty busy, and my brain is still floating somewhere in the weird goop river that flows inbetween Russian and English, but a good week. There was no pizza this week (not for lack of trying, mind you!).

On Monday we met with Lyuba to teach her again. She's doing good. We also ate corn on the cob for lunch. It's not quite as good here as it is back in the states. That night we went to visit a member family and had dinner with them and talked about life and happiness. We also played liar's dice with them. Remember from Pirates of the Carribean 2 how the weird, half-fish half-boat crew members abourd the Flying Dutchman were playing that dice game? Yeah, that's Liar's Dice. It's super fun actually.

On Tuesday we went to the Rynok of Old Things ("Rynok" is the English spelling of the Russian word for market, but market doesn't accurately describe the feeling of a rynok. the "y" is pronounced almost like 'ee' but mixed with the 'i' in 'bit'. Don't worry, there won't be a test on how to say this.). In this rynok you can find: old things. Lots of them. It's kind of cool, but I don't love shopping, so it didn't hold a ton of interest for me. That night we went to meet with our friend Aleks. On the way there we heard a girl speaking English with an American accent, something that is, understandably, very rare to hear on the streets of Ukraine. We didn't have time to investigate further though. That is, until we got to the branch to meet Aleks and discovered that he was going to be pretty late. So, we did what any self-respecting small group of Americans would do in a foreign country; we went back to see if we could find another small group of Americans in said foreign country.

They turned out to not be there anymore, so to avoid having awkwardly walked back and forth in such a short time, we made it seem like our return had a purpose by going to Digma (imagine the worst, most overpriced cornerstore in the world and then multiply it by a normal shopping center) to get the ice cream that is currently half-price there. To our surprise, the American girls had also gone into Digma with the same idea, but they were walking in as we were walking out, so we couldn't really stop them.

We bought our ice cream, then left, only to find that they were standing in the middle of the path that leads back to the branch, so we finally took the opportunity to stop and talk to them. They turned out to be from Tennesse. One girl was there visiting her Ukrainian mother's family and the other was her friend who got dragged along for the ride. They were cool. The mom and uncle were a little buzzed, but nice.

We did end up meeting with Aleks, who taught us a bunch of Russian slang for fun.

Wednesday we went to do service, but we didn't end up having to do anything, so that was fun. We got to pet adorable husky puppies afterwards as a reward for having done nothing. Not quite sure what the moral of that story is.

After the not-service we set Elder Cannon loose with a hatchet on a pile of branches to collect wood for English practice that night. We taught our class how to tie lashes and then built a tower together. Those familiar with the Bible might notice an interesting twist in the fact that a group of people all trying to learn a foreign language all got together outside of a church and tried to build the tallest tower they could while speaking that foreign language. Similarities to Biblical events aside, it was fun.

Thursday we had a good district meeting, and that night we went to and English club to help them out. That was fun.

Friday once again drew the shortest straw this week, and so I won't write anything about it. I did figure out what we'ver been doing Fridays though, we plan for the week on Fridays. Anyway, that's already too much about Friday, I've mentioned it 4 times already in one paragraph.

On Saturday we had a good game night. Nobody really came for the sport part of game night because of rain, but that was OK. The sport part of game night usualy involves soccer, and I don't play soccer.

Sunday was a rainy, cold day, not fun. Church was really good though. Lyuba came again, and her son Artyom came too. We visited a member that day who we found out has really bad cancer. Pretty scary stuff, but he seems to be handling it well.

Well, that was basically my week.

Peace out!

Elder Robison

I Should Be Ashamed..

... of how much pizza I ate this week. You know, the more time I spend eating pizza, the more I realize just how much I've missed eating pizza. It's a simple thing, true, but it tasted really good. And if you can find stuff that tastes good and is cheap, you're set for life. I had pizza on Monday, pizza on Wednesday, pizza on Saturday. I'd have eaten more if I'd have had more opportunities! I unfortunately did not have more opportunities, so I didn't eat more.

So, Monday we went and gave our friend Joseph a blessing before he went in for surgery. That night we went to start finishing the moving proccess of Elder Mayberry and Elder Cannon from their old apartment into mine. We called a taxi, which turned out less than pleasent. We got in and the guy immediately started driving like a crazy person. I got a bad feeling even before he started driving, so I said a silent prayer. About 2 minutes after we set out I saw a green car quite a ways ahead of us in another lane and I got the strangest feeling that we were going to end up hitting it eventually. Lo and behold, not long later we rear-ended this guy. Everyone was alright, and the cars were still driveable, but we had to call another taxi. That was a fun conversation to have with the taxi operator by the side of the road in Russian.

Me: "Yeah, there was an accident en route, and, well, basically, we need a taxi on *Where we got into the accident*."

Operator: "So you want to make a repeat order?"

Me: "Yeah, something like that."

The new taxi got there, and this guy was much better than the first, so that was good. He also turned on his radio to a good rock station which happened to be in the middle of playing "Rainbow in the Dark", one of my favorite songs. We got home alright.

We met with a bunch of different people on Tuesday, but the most memberable moment was as we were walking home and we met some... thing. A creature in the form of man, but made entirely of bulging, steely muscles. It was Stanislav the Huge! He stopped us in the way using his immense gravitational pull and a cry of "Пацаны!". He asked what we do for work, so we told him about how we're missionaries and taught him a bit about our church. We asked him what he likes to do. He responded with a resounding "Sports!". We asked him what kind, and he responded by simply flexing his arm and chest muscles in the most comicbookish muscle pose I've seen. I'm pretty sure I could hear a light thuderclap from the force. He was really nice. Offered to work out with us sometime. We're a little scared to take him up on it, but we do want to talk to him sometime again. he's cool.

Wednesday we ate pizza after district meeting. This is old news, though, and probably seems pretty insignificant now that you have images of taxi accidents and Stanislav the huge floating around in your heads.

On Thursday we went back over to the other apartment to finish packing the last of the things there. On the way there we stopped at this place called Burger Home. Or Burger House. We can't tell which one, the advertizing was confused on this matter in particular. It wasn't in Russian, and seeing as home and house are the same word in Russian, there was a translation issue that nobody caught. We noticed that there were only 3 people there other than us and that we were the only ones there to actually eat food. It was pretty funny.

While the others were packing I did a bunch of book work, organizing a bunch of the records that we keep. That was good. A member helped us move this time, so there was no sketchy taxi to worry about.

Don't really remember what we did Friday. We were busy doing something I guess, but that's just based off of the recent trend. Anyway, this email is long enough without Friday.

Saturday, we finally closed the other apartment for good! We also ate pizza.

Anyway, Sunday was good. A lot of people came to church, including Lyuba. We also went and visited Joseph, who is recovering well from his surgery.

Well, that's about it from me. Hope you guys are doing well!

Peace out!

Elder Robison

This is how we moved their stuff on Thursday. Way less sketchy than taxis.

Exercise is Horrible

Truth is found in the statement above.

This last week was Zone Conference on Friday, which was super cool and sad all at the same time. But, that's a different story to be told later on!

On Monday we met with our friend Layla in the park and had a good conversation. She wanted to know more about how we as missionaries get assigned to our different areas, so we explained the whole proccess to her.

On Tuesday we had to go to center to practice a musical number for Zone Conference. We got there, and Elder Mayberry and I were given the music and told to find where the harmony parts were for singing. Upon looking at it for about 5 seconds we determined that there wasn't, nor had there ever been, a harmony part for the voice. So then they told us to come up with one. And we said no and went and found a version of the song that already had the harmonies written out. 

After that we went and hung hammocks in a park with our friend Aleksei and talked with him.

On Wednesday we met one of the most interesting people I've met in quite some time: Bogdan. We've decided that he is a child of the internet. He knows everything there is to know about anything that's ever been put on the internet. And he knows English really well. Probably too well, seeing as he didn't stop talking at all from the time he came until the time we said goodbye to him at the subway stop. We think that some anomaly happened in the connections of the internet and he was created as a result. It's basically the only explanation we have for his existance. He's funny though, cool guy. 

There's this game we enjoy playing with investigators and friends called Bang. It's a cowboy game with cards, look it up. Bogdan ended up being the sheriff and a character called 'Man-with-no-name'. He also assumed that he had no legs because the picture of his character didn't show his legs. He was a nameless, legless sheriff. Wanna know how he lost his legs? "When I was a boy my mother used to bake peach pies. Anyway, I lost my legs in the war! Now, which of you scum is a bandit!?"

Bogdan, ladies and gentlemen. Bogdan.

On Thursday we went to a couple of English clubs. That was good.

Friday was zone conference, which was good. It was really sad to know that this is the last zone conference for most of the people who I've spent the last 2 years working with. I still have one more to go.

Right after Zone Conference, Sister Sullivan thought it would be a good idea to have everybody do a HIIT exercise. That was a torturous amount of squats and jumping for about 12 minutes. It was pretty funny actually. My legs are still sore though. Exercise is horrible. I'm alright when exercise is lifting and push-ups and things of that nature, but this was a whole different story.

On Saturday we had interviews with President. That was really good. Afterwards we had game night.

Sunday we went back to that park after church and talked with more people. It was cool.

We decided on Tuesday that we want to learn Ukrainian. So, now I speak a very small amount of Ukrainian, and I'm constantly asking all of our friends for help learning words and pronunciation. We got some Ukrainian hymn books and we sing in Ukrainian to practice. The Tri-lingual train is about to leave the station!

Well, that's about it.

Peace!

Elder Robison

FREEDOM DAY!!

YEAH!

AMERICA!

FREEDOM!

HECK YEAH!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! 

Ok, now that that's over with, we can get into the actual email.

Happy 4th of July everyone! This week has been insanity to the max. I thought a lot happened last week, but this week lasted forever! We did so much this week. So much.

On Tuesday we hauled Elder Downing's stuff to Novy Doma. We called a taxi. Somehow, the taxi never showed up. After a few calls, they sent another taxi. This one showed up and took us to Novy Doma, where Elder Fuller and I had a good reunion. Elder Cannon and Elder Mayberry came and picked me up from there, and we went back to Saltovka. That day we went to do some slack lining with a friend we have from Turkmenistan. He's really cool, speaks a ton of different languages. Except English. He's trying to learn English right now. That night we sat down and made a plan for how to best combine our areas the most effectively. 

That was also the FOURTH OF JULY!! YEAH!!!

Sorry, that just came out. Anyway, we had lots of fun with that over the course of the day.

Wednesday we had district meeting and made plans for the sick BBQ that we planned for the 8th. English practice was fun that night. We combined the intermediate and advanced classes, which is working out pretty well. Unfortunately, I'm not sure all of the people in the intermediate class are really ready for that shift. We may have to suggest they join the lower group. They probably won't do it, but we'll probably at least suggest it.

On Thursday we went to a store called Caravan to buy the meats and such for the BBQ. We figured that we didn't have the right tools to make good smoked BBQ, but we could definitely make some good pulled pork and pulled chicken sandwhiches, so we bought pork butt and chicken quarters and all of the stuff we needed to make BBQ sauce, because they don't sell that here in Ukraine. That night we went to an English club that the other Elders normally go to. They appearantly go by first names there, so I got to awkwardly introduce myself as Stirling for the first time in an eon. I then thought it might be hard for them to say Stirling, so I said they could call me Doug if it was too hard. Doug ended up sticking. Thanks, Dad!

On Friday we took Elder Mayberry to Center for a leadership meeting that has been affectionately dubbed 'Jedi Council'. This left Elder Cannon and I to wander about a bit in downtown Kharkiv while we waited for a meeting that fell through on us. We ended up waiting in the branch building there, when a member approached us and asked us to go with him to give a blessing to an old man in a hospital. We agreed and got permission to go with him, because we don't really belong in Center, so we have to get things cleared. We get going and he only then explains that it's a 40 minute ride to the hospital that we're going to. You know, 40 minutes outside of already being 40 minutes outside of our area. We keep going when Elder Schwaighart texts us and tells us to come back. We ended up having them send 2 missionaries to take Elder Mayberry to us and then continue further with the member to go give the blessing. That was a fun adventure.

Saturday was the day of the picnic. That was about 2-and-a-half buckets of crazieness. Elder Cannon and I pulled out all of our cooking experience and made enough BBQ sauce and spicy ketchup for about 19 pounds of chicken and pork. Turns out, that's just the right amount to be able to feed 60 people. Thank you, Herbal Life, for teaching me how to weigh out portions of food for a meal! The picnic turned out awesome, there were a ton of people there, and everyone had a good time and enjoyed some really good pulled pork sandwhiches. I'm not even going to bother being humble on that one, those were some good sandwhiches. We spent literally all day running around to different stores and doing different errands, and then frantically shredding the pork and chicken and dishing everything out. It was super fun, and we got to talk to lots of great people.

Sunday was much more subdued by comparison. We were pretty tired from the whole ordeal of the picnic. That night we went out to a park as a district and talked to a bunch of people, it was really nice.

And that was my week. It probably doesn't sound half so crazy in this email as it actually was when we were doing it. I guess you just had to be there.

Peace out! 

Elder Robison

Here's some sick pics

 Me on the yard by our branch. The big blue-gold building in the back is a православный храм. As you can tell, I've been practicing my "I'm-too-cool-to-smile" face recently.

This is me with some bones at a museum we went to today.

Hanging Out Windows, the Finns, the Hunt for Ladas, and a Surprise

So, a lot happened this week. As can probably be told by the title, none of anything that happened this week has any connection. It was a bunch of separate days with separate adventures. Shall we begin?

To start at the beginning, on Tuesday we went to help Artyom (Lyuba's son who was baptized in April) with some things around the house, because he and his mom are pretty short and I, as you know, am not. These things were pretty normal, changing the lightbulbs, helping him with some English pronunciation questions, hanging out of a 3rd story window to tie new lines up for drying laundry. Normal. It was a ton of fun though, even though it took pretty much all day to do everything we neededand travel around. We had to wait about an hour for transport to his house because of roadwork that's going on. He gave me a couple of ties and a Russian illustrated encyclopedia.

Wednesday was actually normal, believe it or not. English practice was really good.

Thursday we went to Camelot like normal. That was a good time. Afterwords, while we were in the car with Oleg (The husband of the lady who runs Camelot. He normally gives us a ride home if he's not busy.), he turned on some music. At first it was the Imperial March, but Darth Vader didn't seem to be giving Oleg good vibes that day, so he grabbed the remote for his sound system and switched it up a little bit. After a moment or so of silence, this pretty sweet, heavy jam started playing on a guitar that was tuned way too low. Then some drums joined in and it got even better. I looked back at Elder Downing and grinned. Oleg saw it, grinned too, laughed a bit, and then turned it up some. I was enjoying it, and then I thought "man, this is good. I hope the voice isn't weird and screamo, that would ruin it.". This is when the unexpected happened. The voice was weird. It was also Finnish. We were sitting in a car in Kharkov with our Ukrainian friend listening to Finnish Death Metal. This experience probably made me happier than it should.

We talked with him about Finnish and his desire to learn Finnish once he's finished learning English. It was a good ride home.

On Friday we went out to try and see if we could find people who wanted help quitting smoking, because the church has a good free program for that, and there are lots of people who smoke here and quite a few want to quit. To our surprise, we found not one single person smoking on the streets that day, a rare occurance. We did however see a lot of Ladas. A Lada is a type of car. It's old, it's Soviet, and Elder Downing and I realized that we just really like them for some reason. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of ugly Ladas out there, and none of them have good inner-workings. But, if you took one for the body, replaced the engine and transmission, then painted it, it'd make a pretty cool, unique little car. If you did it right you could make it into a muscle car. Almost. They're a bit small. It'd be more of a muscle midget.

Anyway, long story short, we both want to come back to Ukraine someday in the not-so-close future, buy a Lada each, then drive it out of through Europe and find a way to get them to America, be it by ferry or shipping company, so that we can make them into nice vehicles.It's probably just a pipe dream, and it may not be super likely to happen, but it'd make a fantastic adventure, and it's a fun idea.

English Practice was good that night.

On Saturday, we received a surprise call from President Sullivan. Turns out, Elder Downing is getting transferred! To Novy Doma. He's going to be with Elder Fuller, because appearantly he's destined to only serve with other Texans. He will be missed, and a selection of quotes from our time together will be placed at the bottom of this email in his memory. As always, context will not be provided.

What will become of me, you ask? I'm going to be in a tri-panionship. Again. This time, I will be with Elder Cannon and Elder Mayberry. If that's not the plot twist of the century, I don't know what is.

Well, that about sums up life for the moment. This was a long email.

Peace!

Elder Robison

"Refried beans: the national fruit of Texas."

-Elder Downing

"Corn is holy to me."

-Elder Robison

"You can't just hiss at your problems and expect them to go away!"

-Elder Robison

"You sound like Morgan Freeman with a sinus infection."

-Elder Robison

"There's something so satisfying about wearing a dead animal on your head."

-Elder Downing

"I'm a potato kind of guy."

-Elder Robison

"---What's in these beans?

 --- The blood of the chupecabra."

-Elder Downing

"The family that burns trash together, stays together."

-Elder Robison

"But Короче, I got us a limo."

-Elder Robison

"This milk tastes like udder sweat."

-Elder Downing

"Those guys are nerds! Lets start cooking the chicken without them."

-Elder Robison

"People do weird things to get with me."

-Elder Robison

"I feel like someone started a volcano inside of me. Not in my heart, in my GI tract."

-Elder Downing

"'I mean this from the bottom of my heart; fig you.' - Elder Anderson"

-Elder Downing

"Ooo, the caustic double tazer fig!"

-Elder Robison

Elder Downing --- I'm gonna need a published source on that.

Elder Robison --- I'm about to publish my foot up your butt.

"As your friend, I recommend not to drink bleach."

-Elder Downing

"Yeah, it helps when your hands are the size of small bald eagles."

-Elder Downing

*Looks around for a weapon to defend himself*

*Realizes he can kill Elder Robison with his bare hands*

*Looks back at Elder Robison*

*Smiles*

-Elder Downing

Elder Robison --- This is the last time you'll get sick... cuz you'll die.

Elder Downing --- it's like a бабушка blessing!

"I have the cheese AND the knife. I have ALL the power in this situation."

-Elder Robison

"--- What kind of dog do you want?

 --- Uh, do you know anything that can wield a halberd?"

-Elder Downing

"TBH: tuberculosis happens."

-Elder Robison

"I don't want your pity ramen!"

-Elder Robison

"If life weren't so hilarious, I'd be pissed off."

-Elder Robison

"You can't eat cheese while paranoid. Cheese is supposed to be a joyful activity."

-Elder Robison

"Я вам скажу: #@!*!"

- The бабушка at the milk truck outside our house

"There's a path. What's the path? We left the mayo out..."

-Elder Downing

"Sinnnhuleuaboopa."

-Elder Robison

Elder Downing --- Why's peanut butter so good?

Elder Robison (from the other room) --- Because black people made it!

"Russian: the only language where there's a fine difference between 'printed' and 'sorrow'"

-Elder Downing

"If you keep the Sabbath day holy, you'll get buffer"

-Elder Robison

"Chicken as matter."

-Elder Downing

Revenge of the Pizza

You know, I just really like pizza. A lot. I enjoy pizza more than the average person probably has a right to enjoy pizza. Is it a crime? No! It's delicious! It even has vegetables on it, therefore it must be healthy!

That may sound little bit defensive. To be fair, I didn't have as much pizza this week as I did sthat one week that I had it pretty much every day. I only had pizza on Tuesday this week. I was on exchanges with Elder Mayberry on Monday, and we went to visit this really cool member family. I taught the dad how to play some guitar, we all ate a super tasty desert, and then I taught Elder Mayberry to play one of my favorite Ukrainian songs (Все Буде Добре. It's by this group called Океан Ельзи. Look it up, it's cool). On Tuesday we got some pizza on the way to meet back up with Elder Cannon and Elder Downing. That was a good pizza. 

Later that night, the kitchen was messy and I didn't want to clean it. So, I gave Elder Downing an ultimatum; either he could clean all the dishes in the kitchen so I could cook dinner, or he could call a pizza place and order pizza. Elder Downing hates ordering things and talking on the phone in Russian, but apparently not as much as he hates washing dishes, because he took the phone in hand and ordered a pizza. I think the lady on the other end might have thought he was a bit drunk, but we got our pizza, and it was delicious.

On Wednesday we had district meeting, and then everyone took tests. Pretty normal, nothing extraordinary.

I think the next interesting thing was on friday probably. Only one person showed up for advanced English, which would've been boring, but then we saw that the sisters were going to be outside talking about camping, so we just moved outside and were parasites for their class. That was fun.

On Saturday there was a district picnic. Not our missionary district, the Kharkov district. So, the whole city. We were uninformed that we were allowed to come in casual clothes, so we showed up like nerds in white shirts and ties. The zone leaders were apologetic, but there was nothing to be done other than take off our ties and pretend like it was normal. The picnic was fun, we played a bunch of sports with the members in Kharkiv. We left before the food was ready to be back in Saltovka on time for some activities there. It was a fun day.

On Sunday we taught Lyuba again. She's doing great. She's super happy, and it's awesome to see that she's feeling more and more happy every time we meet.

Well, that's about all from me.

Peace!

Elder Robison

Hit the Road Jack

This is what we ended up saying to Herbal Life in the end of things. That stuff's just too expensive. I planned on continuing to eat healthy, but Elder Downing has begun to bing unhealthy food in an effort to make up for lost time, so that hasn't worked out as well as I'd have liked it to. I came into the kitchen one morning to find him hard at work melting sugar to make candies for breakfast.

On Wednesday we discovered a very interesting thing. Elder Downing always wants to speak Russian with me, but I can't stand his accent when he speaks Russian, and he doesn't like mine. I could never figure out what it was, because I thought he should have a pretty good accent. After all, he served the first few months of his mission in Russia and says that he focused on mimicking their accent. I couldn't figure it out, because it didn't sound anything like Russian accents that I've heard, so it was frustrating that he was so insistant on his accent. I didn't make him change it, and I figured he must be correct, but that I had too little time left on my mission to really make a difference as far as my accent goes.

This state continued until Wednesday at English Practice when I was talking about accents with the beginner class. I asked about different kinds of Russian accents, because I'm always interested in that sort of thing. I got the usual answer of "In Russian we don't have different accents" (A comment that is outright false), and then one guy in the class (Who's an awesome punk rock bassist with a huge beard) says, "Нет, конечно же есть разные акценты! Если, допустим, ты был в Сибири, там окают много: хорошо, погода...". For those not versed in Russian, Google translate is not your friend here. It'll get the whole sentence except for the word "окают". Russian lesson!

"окают" is a form of a verb which means to pronounce the Russian letter "o" as an "o" in situations where, according to Moscow Russian rules, it should be pronounced as an "a". This is one of the things that makes Russian difficult. A word like "хорошо" looks like it should say "Khorosho", but intsead says "Kharasho" or "Khurusho".

Turns out, in Eastern Russia they do this with a lot of words, their accent is pretty far from technically correct Russian. Elder Downing and I figured out that it only happens on words that are the same word in Russian and Ukrainian. Ukrainian "o" always gets pronounced as "o". Guess where the USSR sent a ton of Ukrainians that they didn't like... Siberia! In the exact region that Elder Downing learned Russian. So, I can't stand Elder Downing's accent because the Soviet Union sent a lot of Ukrainians to Siberia and it corrupted their language a bit. The more you know!

Anyway, I'm going to try and help him learn Moscow Russian, because that's what I speak. This will be benificial.

So that was fun.

On Saturday there was a branch activity. Retro-night. You know, it sounds better than what it turned out being. In order to do retro here, you have to go back to the Soviet Union. Not everybody's that big of a fan of the Soviet Union, so the lady who organized the activity got heckled a bit some of the people we invited. That wasn't cool. You know what is cool? Elder Downing, Elder Mayberry, and I got to play "Hit the Road Jack" for the American part of Retro-night. That was pretty cool. Aside from the light heckling, it was fun, everybody had a good time.

Elder Downing and I taught Lyuba, the lady who Elder Anderson and I had been teaching, on Sunday, and she agreed to be baptized at the end of July or the beginning of August. We set everything up so that she can learn what she needs to in that time period, and it's going to be awesome.

Well, that's all for now.

Peace!

Elder Robison

A Change in the District

So, transfers happened on Saturday. Sister Hines has completed her mission and is now on her way home. Sister Hendricks will be training a Ukrainian sister (we don't know her name yet). Also, Elder Anderson is leaving our district. It was really cool to have him as my district leader for the past 2 transfers, he's a great guy. Replacing him as district leader is...

ELDER MAYBERRY!

I'm super excited, this transfer is going to be great!

Elder Downing is still my companion, meaning that he will now tie with Elder Ditty as my longest serving companion. That's cool. We're ready to get a lot done.

Last week was pretty good. On Monday I was on exchanges with Elder Anderson again. We taught the mother of our recent convert, and she agreed to be baptised once she's learned everything she needs to! This is awesome! She's a really sweet lady. She even came to church on Sunday.

Tuesday we went to play basketball with one of our friends. On the way home we got stopped by a guy from Herbal Life. We took a survey, and then he gave us aq certificate for a free scan and health consultation. We agreed, but that part comes later.

The next cool thing happened on Saturday when we went to a basketball court to do sports night. We played basketball with a bunch of people who were already there and met some cool people. Game night afterwards had tons of people.

Sunday was also good. The church meeting went well. We went and visited a less active member that we're good friends with and had a long conversation. That was interesting...

Moving on!

Today has been awesome. We went to the Herbal Life thing and met all the people there. That was really cool. We're now learning how to eat healthy so that I won't lose all of my hard regained weight again. The scan determined that I should probably gain in the neighbourhood of 10 pounds each of fat and muscle, which makes sense for my height and current weight of "not enough yet".

While going to get the recommended groceries we met a ton of super nice people and made friends with the guy who sells vegetables outside of our house. He gave us a couple of cherries for free, so that was cool.

Basically, things are doing well, so I'm now preparing for what will undoubtedly be a storm of unpleasant things. Of course, maybe I'm wrong. I'll be optomistic and say that this trend of good will continue.

Anyway, peace out!

Elder Robison

How Much Pizza?

A lot of pizza.

That's the short answer to this question. On Saturday I shared a large pizza with Elder Cannon, on Monday I made a pizza, on Tuesday I had a small pizza to myself with Elder Anderson and then I had homemade pizza for dinner at the Branch President's house, Wednesday was pizza free I think, but then Elder Downing and I ordered three extra large pizzas on Thursday, which we ate for lunch and dinner, then breakfast Friday morning and a snack Friday night.

I'm left with a question now: how many slices of pizza can I eat? The answer: one more.

Aside from eating lots of pizza, this week was pretty good. I ended up on exchanges with Elder Anderson so Elder Downing could go do aikido with a member. The next day we went and flew a kite in a park to try and start conversations with people. That was good, we talked to one nice family and a group of college students.

Wednesday came and went. Uneventfully for the most part.

On Thursday, Elder Downing got hit by the clean stick and cleaned our entire apartment, which was really nice because we ended up having a surprise apartment inspection by Sister Sullivan that afternoon (we passed with flying colors). Elder Knorpp and Elder Van Buskirk stayed the night at our apartment for zone conference. Those guys are the best.

That night at Camelot (an English Club that we work with) I told everybody a whole bunch of King Arthur myths, which reminded me just how much I love those stories.

Zone Conference was Friday, that was really good. Saturday was interviews with President and game night, both of which were good.

Overall good week.

I could go for some pizza.

Peace out!

Elder Robison

I Need a Hammock

I'm now certain that I need to get a hammock so I can go out and study outside, because it's actually super comfortable, and I like being outside. To provide some context, I was on exchanges with Elder Cannon, and so we went out to a park to study. Elder Cannon has a hammock. I was teaching him some Russian, so he let me chill in the hammock while he sat next to me in a stool. It was super nice to sit outside and study, especially because the weather is so nice now. We were also trying to figure out how to make something called a slack line to use for an activity. It's like a tightrope, except it's niether tight nor a rope. People were stopping to watch us, so at least we know that it's interesting!

Aside from that, this week was good. Nothing super interesting. Elder Cannon and I had some Mountain Dews and pizza. 

Our concert night at the English Club was fun, everyone seemed to enjoy it. 

We made pizza for our district breakfast this morning. So, I guess there was lots of pizza this week. This week is zone conference, so that will be good.

Artyom, the guy who got baptized right after I came here, received the priesthood yesterday. We're super proud of him for making that step. He's really comitted to fulfulling the responsibilities associated with the priesthood. He's awesome.

Well, that's about it.

Peace!

Elder Robison

Why Russian is an Interesting Language

Greetings, comrades!

I write all this email, how in russian speak. Maybe, to you it will be hard to read. Such is life. Welcome in my world!

On this week we with Elder Downing led english practices. In Thursday we were in one english club, which is called "Kamelot". Was good. They want, so that I brought my guitar and played to them a song on english. I agreed, therefore I sing them a song in Thursday. To woman, which owns club, films are pleasing. She said to us about new Alien movie, which is in theatre. She wants, so that we watched it, but to us is not allowed to watch films. She and her husband are very nice people.

In Friday I was on exchanges with Elder Anderson. He is steep. We with him talked about music a lot. He speaks according to russian the way, how I speak, so we conversed on russian a lot.

*********

Ok. that's enough of that. That hurts even my brain, and I speak Russian. Anyway, that's the way that I've had to view the world for the last section of my life.

FUN FACT: In Russian, "steep" is one of the words they use to mean cool. It's also the word they use to describe hardboiled eggs. So, a steep guy could walk up a steep hill eating steep eggs and that would make perfect sense to a Russian speaker.

If you're confused about what the first half of the email actually means, all I said was that I'm going to play a song for an English club we go to, and the lady who runs the club really likes movies and was telling us to go see the new Alien movie that's coming out, but we can't watch movies. Pretty straightforward.

Well, that's all, I think.

Peace out!

Elder Robison

CINCO DE MAYO!

So, we had a Cinco de Mayo party this week. Elder Downing and I being from Texas and all that jazz. Sister Hines came into the district, and on Wednesday she was like, Hey, isn't Cinco de Mayo this Friday? And then we were like, I'll be darned, it is this Friday! So, the district decided to through a Cinco de Mayo celebration. We invited a bunch of people, bought a bunch of stuff to cook a lot of Mexican food, and then had the party. It was probably the most short notice activity that I've ever been a part of organizing. It was a ton of fun, everything turned out great, and we made some cool friends.

Cinco de Mayo is awesome in Ukraine.

That's pretty much the only noteworthy thing that happened this week. Elder Downing is now mostly not sick. I'm not feeling great, but I'm not sick yet!

This week should be interesting. It's Victory Europe day tomorrow, so there's going to be lots of celebrating. 

That's about everything I can think of. If I remember something important, I'll write a follow-up.

Peace!

Elder Robison