What Even Is This Place?

So, Nikolaev is really weird. Like, really weird. I though that Kherson was a weird place, but this just exceeds Kherson in every way imaginable on the weirdness scale. I don't think I can even describe the strangeness of this place.

So, on Tuesday we went across a bridge to the other side of the river because Elder Kalt said that they never went over there. There was nobody to talk to over there. There was a very disgruntled driver though. We're not sure what his problem was, but he didn't seem to like us very much.

That night we taught English, which was awesome because I got to see my friend Vova! He's a super cool guy with a really nice family, and he really wants to learn English so he can get a better job for said family.

On Wednesday, the weather took a 10 degree celsius drop and started to dump rain on us. We went to a member and gave her a blessing of health because she was very sick but she couldn't miss work. We were pretty soaked after that whole adventure, but it was worth it.

That night we went to the store to get food for me. I bought about 4 pounds of potatoes for like a quarter, which Elder Kalt couldn't believe. I think I spent like 3 dollars, and I'm still eating that food, so pretty good deal.

On Thursday we taught English again (English happens twice a week here in Nikolaev).

Friday, not much happened.

On Saturday I got to meet the rest of the district at district meeting. The sisters in our district are Sister Grishchenko, from Odessa, and Sister Broadhead, a brand new missionary from Utah. Sister Grishchenko doesn't really speak a ton of English, so she has dubbed me her personal translator. It's a position which she says is the most important in the mission.

On Sunday I got to meet the branch. They're so nice here! They love helping the missionaries on lessons, they all try to help us with the language, they bring their friends, it's amazing!

So, Nikolaev is going to be a fun transfer! Elder Kalt doesn't want to speak English for the entire rest of the transfer, so looks like he's going to be silent for the most part for a little while.

Peace out!

Elder Robison

Elder Ditty Quotes

I don't have my camera on me to send pictures, but, in honor of Elder Ditty, I will now share some of my favorite Elder Ditty quotes, with absolutely no context!

"I'm gonna marry a mormon honey... Have lot's of babies..."

"1000 grieven and 5 Ukrainian teenage girls later, I mailed my package to America."

"Unfortunately, one is now a prostitute, and the other is faking a temperature to avoid us..."

"How are you going to know if Satan's out there?"

"You're drunk! That's a sin! You need to repent and get help in your life!"

"I hate gorgeous women!"

"President, can we go to prison?"

"We got monies!"

That's Elder Ditty. We'll all miss him, I'm sure.

FREEDOM!

FREEDOM! AT LAST! I. AM. FREE!

I got transfered! I'm now serving in Nikolaev with Elder Kalt!

I am a senior companion now, meaning that I have to be the boss of everything we do. Should be pretty fun.

I don't really remember much of what happened this last week.

We ended up finding 2 new investigators, partly because of my guitar playing. There were 2 college kids at English, Max and Anne. Anne plays guitar, and we have a guitar at the branch now. After English we got the guitar out so she could play it (She's really good at it!), then I played guitar and they were both so impressed that they stayed to talk to us about the church. All those hours of guitar playing have payed off in a lot of ways this week, you'll see more later.

Wednesday was normal I think. Maybe. Possibly.

So was Thursday.

Friday we had an activity where we invited people to play ping-pong at the branch. I didn't really play ping-pong, but I did play guitar. There was a Turkish guy who showed up that doesn't speak Russian, but knows perfect English. Turns out he really likes Metallica and System of a Down too, so we talked about that and about the church, and it was fun. Then Anne and Max came and we played guitar and ping-pong with them, then taught them more about the church.

Saturday, I received a telephone call from President Sullivan telling me that I would be serving with Elder Kalt, which was shocking to say the least. That night Elder Ditty and I went to McDonald's for dinner. It was pretty late, so we decided to get it and take it home with us. We did thusly, and it was an adventure. We got on a marschrutka like normal and the driver was possibly the coolest driver in the world. He held our drinks for us, and he was joking with us and being generally cool the whole time.

I ended up standing next to a somewhat drunk guy who opened up the roof hatch a bit because he was hot or something. Somebody behind me asked if the hatch could be closed because they were super cold. I asked the guy if he would close it. He looked at me and said, "Who's hot? It's freaking cold in here!" and then he opened the hatch all the way. So, that happened.

Anyway, after several more adventures occured upon this marschrutka and on the way home, we decided never to take McDonald's home again.

I made myself a delicious gooey brownie cake with ice cream for my birthday. It was good.

On Sunday there was no power in the Branch building, so we had no way of playing the accompinament for the hymns during the meeting. That is, of course, until I pulled out the guitar from downstairs and played the hymns for the meeting.

Yeah. I'm cool.

Then we did finances.

Then we visited a member who is currently in the hospital.

Then we went home and ate my birthday dinner, which was delicious.

I packed all my bags this morning, and I'm currently writing this from an internet club in Nikolaev, so that's my week!

Peace out!

Elder Robison

On the Road to Zaparozhe

Well, last week was interesting.

We left from the internet club on Monday to go to the beach. Yes, you read correctly, the beach. It was super fun, we grilled some food, tossed a frisbee about, were bothered by dogs, the whole 9 yards!

After that we got water for the apartment and then went to visist a less-active member who speaks really bad sergic. It was super difficult to understand her, but by the end of it, I'm pretty sure that Elder Ditty and I both understand Ukrainian now!

On Tuesday we went to go help another less active member pay her ridiculously high bills. On the way there we spotted an old guitar. I was going to pass it by, because I didn't want to be distracted by it, but Elder Ditty bought it on the spot!

Then we went and hauled buckets of sand for yet another less active member.

English practice went less than stellar for me that night because I got stuck teaching the advanced class, which is a collection of a bunch of people who really have no desire to have good conversation. It was pretty cool to have a member with me to help teach it though.

On Wednesday we left for Zaparozhe, which was a torturous 9 hour drive with crappy Russian pop music. It didn't help that I was dying from joint pain because I overexerted myself the past 2 days. Fortunately, Elder Ditty had some Ibuprofen. That helped a little bit.

About halfway there, they started to play movies in Russian, which Elder Ditty and I tried not to watch, but ended up watching quite a bit anyway. They played The Prestige, the plot of which is nigh on impossible to understand when it's in Russian and you can only hear 20% of what's being said.

We got to Zaparozhe.

It's. So. Nice. There.

Zaparozhe is a really cool place, I hope I get to serve there at some point. The missionaries were complaining about there apartment, but it wasn't actually that bad.

Thursday was Zone Conference, and it was awesome! President Sullivan helped answer a lot of questions I've had, some I didn't even know I had.

I also got to be a translator that afternoon, something I didn't realize I was capable of doing.

On friday, we went back to Kherson. There was nothing on this bus ride.

Saturday was the start of General Conference. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a biannual meeting for all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. A large number of members gather in the Conference Center in Salt-Lake City, and the Conference is broadcast to the entire world by television, satellite, internet, and radio. During General Conference we have the opportunity to sustain our leaders and hear from a living prophet and apostles, as well as other church leaders. It's a time to recieve guidance and inspiration, and It's probably one of the best times of the year.

The Conference lasts 2 days, so that was our weekend. I'm really grateful to have been able to attend, it was a very strengthening conference. When I was younger I didn't realize just how amazing and valuable Conference is, but now I can see the difference it makes to pay attention to the messages of Conference. I encourage all of you to check it out if you haven't, it really is awesome!

Sunday, finances was a horrible mess, and we really don't know why at this point. We're pretty sure there's a conspiracy.

We're getting ready for transfer calls this weekend. If I end up getting transfered I'm going to have to spend my birthday giving a talk at church, trying to sort out a finances mess, and packing to leave Kherson, so that will be fun. Even without the transfer that should be a fun birthday. Happy 20th!

Peace out!

Elder Robison

 The Branch's new old Soviet guitar!

  And, the Dr. Pepper has officially been drunk at this point.

We found a very handsome German-looking man on the beach, so we took a picture of him!

I Get to Leave! (Week 5)

So, I guess I'll start from the beginning with this one!

Monday, we said goodbye to Dan. He's gone to Isreal to work as a bartender on a cruise. He was super cool, and a very good friend, but he's off to go grow up. We're so proud...

If I remember right, we didn't go out that night due to sickness. Not sure if I remember right though...

On Tuesday we met with Brother Viktor (Bible-verses-on-the-wall Viktor). He wanted to stop by this really tiny Eastern Orthodox Church to drop off a package or something for his sister's birthday. While we were there, Viktor argued with the priest for a little while, which was crazy, it was like a battle of Russian-speaking and doctrine.

Afterwards, we taught a Sister how to teach lessons so she can take a new calling in the Branch. We went home, ate dinner, then went to English, which was actually pretty fun this week.

My planner says we had District Meeting on Wednesday, but Wednesday is kind of a blur for me. I remember I called President and got permission to enact my super secret missionary finding plan of top-secretness. We also taught a lesson to a guy who weighs people for 1 Grieven a pop.

On Thursday, we went on an adventure of sorts. We had to go to the bus station to check prices for tickets for the trip we're taking this week. On the way back, we were hungry, and Elder Ditty wanted a hot dog. I remembered that there was a gas station on the way home (Gas Stations are where you buy hot dogs in Ukraine), so we got off to go get some hot dogs. In order to get across the street to get to the gas station, we had to cross on a subterranean sidewalk. It's like a whole different world on the sublevel, the walls are entirely comprised of different little shops that all do their own thing however they want. We passed by a place that was selling pastic flowers, and we needed some of those for the branch, so we stopped to buy some. We then discovered that the flowers were actually a side-business for a lingerie store immediately behind the flower table.

So, there we were, underground buying fake flowers in front of a lingerie shop in Ukraine talking to the owners about our church in Russian. Sometimes I wonder about these things and just realize the absurdity of some of the situations we find ourselves in. It's pretty hilarious!

We moved on and got to the gas station, where they had real hotdogs! In Ukraine, a hot dog generally consists of the hot dog itself in a bun which totally enwraps the hot dog instead of just closing on either side. I'll have to take a picture of one so you can see what I'm talking about.

While we were there, my Texas senses activated, and I sensed we were near some Dr. Pepper, a drink which one simply does not find in Ukraine. I turned to find on the top shelf a single row of cans of Dr. Pepper. It was pretty expensive, but once I pointed it out to Elder Ditty, we knew we had to buy at least one can. So we did. We haven't drunk it yet, we're saving it for a special occasion. It's the White Whale of soda, but I've found it!

Then we went and started building a ping pong table. The day doesn't get any stranger than that. It just doesn't.

Friday, I went to enact my super secret missionary finding plan of top-secretness. This envolves walking into the Cultural College near our home and asking to know more about Ukrainian music. It worked brilliantly, and the director invited us to come to an event that was taking place that night. We agreed, because that's super cool.

We left the college and then went to finish building the ping pong table. We finished that and then went to the event at the college. We arrived and the director had reserved seats for us near the front. He made us stand up and loudly announced us as "2 guests from America", and we were applauded enthusiastically. It was a nice change.

The event commenced, and it turned out to be a student choreographed talent show. It was mostly in Ukrainian, so we were a bit lost. By the end of it, we actually started to understand some Ukrainian.

Once it was over, we ordered a pizza. And had it delivered. And devised the next step of my super secret missionary finding plan of top-secretness.

Saturday, we went to a Ukrainian mental hospital with the member who we originally thought was an investigator until she revealed that she was baptized 13 years ago in Russia to visit our breakdancing orphan friend. I just wrote that sentence, didn't I? What even is my life right now?

Then we went and shoveled a big pile of dirt that's been sitting in front of the branch for at least 1,000 years.

It took all day, and we were very hungry, so we went to McDonald's for hamburgers and ice cream. While we were there, a guy noticed we were speaking English. Well, he noticed Elder Ditty speaking English. He started speaking English with Elder Ditty and then he turned to me and repeated his questions in Russian. We were both like "Dude, we both speak English, we're from America.". We talked with him until his sister came. She spoke really good English.

We talked with them for a little while and then the girl who was sitting to our left spoke up. Turns out that she spoke awesome English. I talked to her while Elder Ditty talked with the first 2 people. She had heard us speaking English, but she was too shy to say anything to us until the other 2 people started talking to us. It was pretty insane.

Sunday we got stuck in the branch all day again.

This week, I get to see parts of Ukraine other than Kherson and Nikolaev! They're sending our whole zone to Zaparozhe for Zone Conference. I guess it was finally decided that I'm allowed to leave, even if it is just for a day!

So, that's my life right now. How's yours?

Peace out!

Elder Robison

 ​Branch work

My reaction to branch work.